I was lying in bed the night before last, warm and cosy and ready for dream land, when suddenly I had this flash back, transporting me back to the point I felt my life was over and I felt my heart had shattered into a million pieces. This point was nearly a year ago now, on the evening of November 30th 2009. I was curled up in a ball, laying on a bedroom floor, in floods of tears and unable to breath, and feeling as if someone had literally slit my throat. I was silently crying out in pain; with my two best friends in tears at the end of the phone, unable to do anything but try and comfort me. This memory felt so real, but maybe it was a memory crossed with a day dream or a very light dream as I was close to falling asleep. Either way it was very unwelcome at first, but then once I came out of it and realised I was safe and warm in my bed I started to think what has happened in the year since. I have changed so much, met so many fabulous people, realised a lot about myself and basically changed for the better. What that person did to me a year ago was probably the best thing he could have done for me; to break my heart, yet help me in the best way he could. At the time, I hated him, I really did, I couldn't believe what he had said to me. I know hate is a strong word, and I don't use it a lot, but for weeks and maybe months after, I despised him. But once my heart had healed, and I began to see what life was out there for me, I began to realise he did what he did because he did in fact care about me. Maybe it was hard on him to say what he said to me, but he knew he needed to say it to break my heart to let me go. He is now doing his own thing, and I am doing mine, which is what we both needed. I suppose I can't but thank him for what he did, as although he will always have a place in my heart, I know we needed to part ways. So what turned out to be an unwelcome memory at first, turned out to be a good realisation of who I have become now, and that instead of hurting me, he did in fact save me, in the best way a girl can be saved (cue Titanic music....). I would not be the girl I am now if that hadn't happened. So I suppose, thank you, for killing me but also saving me.
